Breakfast of Champions

Finished my first week of work at Donnelly Chocolates on the corner of Mission and Bay. I do various things like put chocolate in boxes, wash dishes, and soon, she says I'll get to make the chocolate. My employee handbook says: "You may be required to eat chocolate and various stages of the chocolate-making process." Required? To eat chocolate? Now this is a job I can do! Unfortunately, I work in the morning and eating chocolate in the morning makes me sick. =( So far there haven't been any Lucy-like chocolate factory disasters...

Do pets have a sexual preference or are they just trisexual? (they'll try anything)

I went to Grace Cathedral with my mom and sister this weekend to Sunday mass. It was St. Francis day so pets were allowed inside the church. There were cats and dogs and turtles and rabbits and hamsters and porcupines and hedgehogs!! The priest who was leading the mass said he was glad to have a congregation that was listening. This was follwed by an enthusiastic bark! After the ceremony, we got our dogs blessed and that was that. My sister dressed her chihuahua with a white felt halo and wings on her back. My mom tied a red bowtie to her chihuahua. She's also convinced that her dog, Tyson, is gay because he tried to hump a male dog. She says that her next step is to get his ear pierced with a little gold hoop! My family is so weird!

Advice

So, as I was hugging my parent's friends goodbye, they give me the following advice for my second year of college:
Sam: Do well in your classes
Paul: Be Good
Darcy: Have FUN! And I mean really, have fun, that's the important thing.
Helen: Don't hook up with anyone until you meet Victor. (her 22 year old son, who's a hot policeman. She says this slurred, 'cuz she's drunk off her ass, as usual)
Paul: Look for my daughter and keep her out of trouble!
Darcy: (whispered in my ear) Get a good pot hook up...
Helen: (shouted as we get in the car) Remember don't hook up with anyone until Victor!

Tractor Love

Last night, I dressed up in my suede lace-up boots and mini skirt and went country line dancing!! It was so much fun! The dancing all looks really cool, if you know how, which I don't. And the lyrics of the music are funny, like "...She thinks my tractor's sexy. It really turns her on..."

My last days of work

My coworker, Angela, is from Columbia. She is really nice and, again difficult to understand at times. Usually I get confused, she gets embarrassed, conversation halts and then an hour later, I figure out what she means and conversation continues... Today, she was talking to me about computers and asked if I knew about "escunkula and beetles". An hour later, I still don't know what the hell she's talking about. Finally, she explains a little more and I realize by beetles, she means bugs, like computer viruses and I still couldn't figure out "escunkula" until 5 min ago, when I realized her virus detection program is expired. Anyway, so, she invited me to her house for dinner. I went. She and her husband and her 4 year old daughter, named Maria del Mar, live in a tiny like one-room studio. It was very sweet! =) I don't know what my point is. I guess like usual, I don't have one hehe.

Scanning random blogs

I've been scanning random blogs. So far I like this one and was pleased to read that she's a Berkeley mom! I don't like the ones that have too many techy type links and pictures and shit. It's just confusing. I mean this is supposed to be a 'blog', like a journal, not your personal website. OMG! Eye hate the like ppl who wrte like this, 2! So annoying. I'm bored and have to wake up at 4 am tomorrow to sit in a car for 15 hours on my way to Havasu. For now, I'll try to forget the heavenly time I had last time I went.

Lost, Never Found

In three days, I'm going to Havasu (a beautiful offshoot of the grandcanyon with many gorgeous waterfalls). The last time I went there, was my Senior year Spring Break. I went alone and met some really nice people in the canyon! I still talk to a couple of the people that I met! One guy that I met gave me his number and I promised to call him when I got out of the canyon, but as I was leaving the campgrounds, I reached into my back pocket for the tiny bright green slip of paper, but it was gone! I felt like the kid in The Polar Express when he reaches into his robe to show the silver sleigh bell and all he finds is a hole! =( But, there was no turning back, I just hoped that it had fallen out amongst the stuff in my backpack. And now, a year and a half later, I'm still looking for it! Every once in a while, I get a new flood of determination and a new idea of where it might be! 'It's in the bottom of the sleeping bag! It must be! I know exactly how it fell out and got there! And it's still there, despite other people having used it since!' So I race into the camping gear and dig through all the pockets. When it's not in the place I swore it was a moment earlier, I start looking through the other pockets, the places I've checked thousands of times already. Maybe one day I'll come across it, call him and see if he remembers me!

Pluots: Romantic Fruit

A Pluot is a Plum crossed with an apricot, but they are more like plums than apricots (good thing, since I don't like apricots). The only difference between a Plum and a Pluot is that pluots are a little bit softer than plums and have just a hint of the apricot sweetness. SEX! Ok, do I have your attention again? Pluots are my newest favorite fruit! Why? Because they are the most romantic fruit! The color, as seen if you click here, ranges from a sunset orangey red to a dark crimson to a bloody wine red. Such an intense variety of passionate colors! Then, sometimes when you cut them, they look like juicy hearts (the shape, not the organ). But, speaking of organs, they do look like one... Because a plum is a "stone" fruit, as my English boss puts it (meaning it has a pit), the shape that the pit leaves, when the fruit is cut into 1/4's, looks like the umm female... err... vulva region, uhh area... (Makes sense, 'cuz it's the reproductive portion of the fruit)... Oh! And their taste, like love, is so complex - not just one straight flavor like a strawberry (the typical fruit of romance). When you bite into a pluot, you rip past the tart, firm skin and sink your teeth into the juicy, sweet soft flesh. It goes from a sharp sour to soft sweetness and back to a tarty mix of the two. It's absolutely mouthwatering - an orgasmic experience... Hehe, well not for me, I don't personally like the taste of apricots and plums are OK. But Angela, my coworker, would make the deepest Mmmms and moans when she stole bites of the succulent fruit.

Virginia and Karmalita - A Match Made in Heaven

My sister has wanted a Chihuahua for a loong time and finally she got one - a pregnant one! It had puppies and she gave them all away 'cuz she liked the mom the best. Then less than 6 months later, the next time that Karmalita goes into heat, she gets her knocked up by a white Chihuahua! 6-9 weeks later, no puppies. She goes to the vet. It turns out that the damn dog has been lovin every minute of being pampered 'cuz we thought she was pregnant. She's not! She loves that dog so much. Since some people think my sister looks like Reese Witherspoon, she was Elle Woods, from Legally Blonde for halloween, of course using her dog as a prop! =) Today, my sister brought her over and she's wearing her usual spike collar and her toenails are painted blue to match my sisters!! Who paints their dogs toenails?!?! My sister does.

Innocent Fun

On Friday night, I came home from work to an empty house and a new silver Mercedes convertible in the garage! Since no one was home, I decided to take it for a spin! I drove around the block, grinning and waving like, "look at me in my cool car!". I put the top up and down and then put it back in the garage just where I found it, thinking no one will notice. Then I went to go meet Kelly and Sarah to go to to Hooters! It would have been more people, but Meagan and her boyfriend canceled at the last minute and Dan didn't want to go (a guy that doesn't want to go to Hooters - weird, I know). My mom calls and says, "Boy, you must be brave, to drive my new car!" =( Oops! I don't know how they noticed, probably 'cuz I moved the seat, since that's the only thing different! Oh well, so Kelly and Sarah and I headed over to the city and ate at Hooters. It was fun! We got balloons and pictures with a group of Hooters girls! Whoo hoo! Then we went to Santa Clara to see SWAT at like midnight! We got our balloons confiscated by a theater employee!! =( The movie was horribly predictable, and Colin Ferrall is cute, but he ain't that cute! The movie ended at a quarter to 3 and we were about to kick some asses if they didn't give us our balloons back, but they did. I got home at 4am (4:30 by my mom's bedside alarmclock)! Yikes. I think I'm on my mom's shitlist for a while!

SQUE?

This woman I work with from Columbia doesn't speak english very well and I speak even less spanish. So, half the time when she says something to me I just smile and say yea. The first day of work, I couldn't figure out if she was showing me her dirty tattoos or offering to give me a Brazilian wax! I'm like uhhh hehe.. =) No se!

Oh Bloody 'Ell

Today is my mom's birthday. I, the official brithday (and other occasion) cake-baker of the family, am expected to bake her a cake. So, Oh devilish me, =) decides to bake her a red velvet cake. Velvet means that all the ingredients are sifted and whipped to make a smooth texture, and red, means that it is RED (ah the wonders of food coloring). But! I did not tell anyone that it's a red velvet cake, so when they cut into the white frosting and the knife comes up scarlet, Oh what a reaction I shall receive! Muahahaha. Ok, so it probably isn't that big of a deal, certainly not enough to write a whole blog about, but I'm bored, so yippee!

I got 5 on it

Hwy 5, known to me as the California Autobahn, is always interesting. 6 hours to LA and back. I drive about 100 mph when I can, but there are a lot of trucks that slow me down. I play with the cute guys and drive away from the not so cute ones. I see accidents, cars flipped and totaled, etc. I see missles from military bases and lines of a hundred army jeeps. My left arm gets sunburned one minute and rained on the next. I try not to look at the truck drivers who watch through their rearview mirror and then honk when I pass. Once I saw a strange thing shoot up into the sky with a rainbow smoke trail. I still don't know what it was, but it was beautiful. Today, I passed a fire that started while I was getting gas. No firefighters had come yet and the flames were on the pavement. I could feel the heat from the fire, it was actually kind of scary having to drive around the wildfire. Anyway, I'm lookin forward to more roadtrips down the California Autobahn (5) in the future! Whoo hoo.

Drowned in Dressing

My family went out to dinner and I got a salad. I was about halfway through it when I found a bug. You know one of those like green ladybugs. It was still moving! So, I put it on a napkin and pretty much lost my appetite for the salad. It continued to wriggle furiously on it's back. I felt bad for it. It went through a lot. I mean through the tossing and dressing and me eating. I rolled it over to it's belly, but then got nervous that it was gonna crawl away, so I put it on it's back again. I noticed it was missing an antennae and 2 legs on one side. I felt bad for the lil guy. Then the bug curled up and stopped moving! =( Poor thing! Then I felt bad for the waitress and restaurant that I wasn't finishing my salad, so I got it boxed up, even though I know I'm not gonna eat it!

Jessica Rabbit


Who 's Your Inner Sexy Cartoon Chick ?
brought to you by Quizilla

What the hell?! I wanted Tinkerbell! This isn't right at all... Well, maybe a little, but I think I'm more of the Tink type: "Oh, you're a trouble maker and quite a little tease But you're still absolutely irresistable, and you can go "straight on till morning!"

What happens when life hands you moldy lemons?!

Today I started work at a place that makes preserves, like jam. For the first 4 hours, I cut plums. For the last 3, I cut lemons. Exciting stuff! Oh yeah... So, after cutting your fingers more times than you would like, you get to put acidic lemon juice on them! Ooh, feels goood!
Best part of the job: All you can eat! (I like plums a lot more than I thought I did!, but I hate the pits, since that's what I was cutting out of them.)
Worst part of the job: I got 75 cuts on my hands (not deep enough to bleed into the food, tho. They are more like paper-cuts).
Learned from job: I can cut an average of 20 plums per minute. That's 300 per hour and 1,200 for the 4 hours I worked today. Whoo hoo.

Neighborhood Block Party

It's real simple to tell if I like you or not (and I mean as friends or more or all of the above). If I don't even give you the time of day, you know I don't like you. If you're next to me and I look straight ahead or to my other side the whole time, that means I don't want to be talkin to you. But apparently that's not obvious enough. Such was the case today at the neighborhood potluck. This 30 year old who said he was a grad student was talking to me a lot today. I was not interested in his purple/rose tinted glasses or his 'I'm a rich Silicon Valley Bachelor who lives with families in a posh neighborhood' attitude. I kept thinking maybe he's just trying to be nice and start conversation with me, like the other friendly neighbors. But then he starts talking to me about his ex-girlfriend, making it obvious that he's available now. I was just praying he wouldn't ask the dreaded question of am I with someone or something. He told me about these college girls he saw who got a lemonade stand and "probably cleared well over $200", then proceded to tell me how he doesn't even like lemonade, but stopped for it anyway and that I should do that for a summer job. =( He kept talking about how he lived up the hill and didn't really want to walk ALL the way up there. I played stupid. I knew he was trying to get me to offer him a ride up there so he could perhaps offer me a tour of his house. Gross. He went to go show off his strength by helping to pick up a heavy box nearby, and I took the chance to retreat to my house! =(
The firefighters were giving a demonstration with their hoses. One of the neighbors asked to handle it for a bit. He (a 15 year old boy) stradled the hose and started spraying. The fireman came up to him and told him, "Uhh, you don't want to be doin that, son.... It could mess with you future..." The kid carefully swung a leg over and sprayed more seriously from then on.

Kate says she's not afraid of anything, but...

So, my mom has been in the last 3 posts, but here goes another...
My mom smoked for a while when I was young (like about ages 3-6). My sister at the time was an adolescent who did not like her smoking and decided to take initiative. Together, we would find her packs and throw out all the cigarettes. She finally quit. Then she started up again in '92 and smoked for about a year. I "helped" her quit again by emptying the packs I found. I went so far as to write on little pieces of paper "Don't Smoke!" And roll them up in place of the cancer sticks. Once she got really mad at me because I took her new pack and threw it in the fire right in front of her. She finally quit, but everytime I see her light up the occasional one, I get nervous. She says that as long as she doesn't buy a pack, she's fine. She will have the occasional one at a party or when we see our relatives or whatever, but as long as she doesn't start buying them herself, she can "not be addicted". One of my biggest fears is that she'll start up again. I don't even know why I hate it so much. It's not like a went through a propoganda-induced DARE program or anything. And I don't care if my friends or sister (although I wish she wouldn't) smokes. But when my mom does it, it really gets to me. So, when I heard today that the last party she was at, she smoked "all night long". I was angry. "Oh yeah, she keeps a pack in her car." I confronted her, but she was in a horrid mood, so she snapped at me, and I gave up. I'm disappointed in her. She broke her own rule. She bought a pack. So, the juice starts tomorrow... She doesn't know I know about the pack in the car, which means my new mission is to find and break those cigarettes.
PS. I just got an idea. On like TV and stuff when someone finds someone's pack, they make the person smoke them all at once, or in a row or whatever. That's stupid. That only makes it worse. But if I smoked them all in front of her, it would show her how awful I feel when she does it! I feel like it's the only thing that'll teach her a lesson! Ewww. I just don't want to smoke a cigarette! That's gross. I told myself I never would! Hmmm. I'll do it if she truly has started up again. Time for an investigation...

Ode to Mama

My mom is a sucker for those infomercials, specifically, the FoodSaver. You know, the one that sucks the air out of bags and jars to lock-in the freshness with a seal? After she bought one, she went crazy and most foods in our house became shrink-wrapped and suffocated in little bags. She tried to take the air out of steak, which only resulted in the flavorful juices spilling all over the machine and counter. (She called it "marinating") She has also mastered taking the fluffy rise out of bread and the air out of pancake mix (What air in pancake mix?) This was two years ago. When it broke, she wasted her money on a new one! When that one broke, she had ME call the hotline to complain and ask if it was still under warrenty. So, today, I sat there explaining to the girl that sounds like her other job is at a tanning salon in Texas that the piece of crap "just keeps sucking and sucking and sucking, but never seals the deal." (Where's Dr. Drew when I need him?) Anyway, I'm thinking about all this in Safeway today, when it hits me: My mom spends so much time at work that she has become oblivious to the real world much less how to funtion in it. She's of those women that you wish wouldn't shop at Safeway because they don't know the rules of shopping cart ettiqutte. She leans heavily on the cart and pushes her butt out to take up as much room when driving it up and down each aisle, then stops abruptly, gives her cart a quarter turn so it blocks the entire aisleway and proceeds to search for the specific kind of gourmet dog food. She darts in front of you, without apologies to cut off the little kid so that she can sit there to pick flavors like Banana Berry Blast from the "Go-gurt" pile. She doesn't notice the father's dirty look. Meanwhile, I try to disappear next to the frozen cheesecake and apologize to the strangers that squeeze by the cart and stare at them desperately with a look that says: "Are You My Mother?" (maybe it says: "Why aren't you my mother?!") She asks me loudly in the "Feminine Products" section where the gloves are. I look at her with confusion and embarrassment and say dryly, "I don't think you'll find them in with the pads. Try the next aisle with the pregnancy tests!" I found relief until she announces astonished in the checkout line, "Wow, they're finally engaged!" I look up to see where she gets her news. She's reading from a tabloid! I just pray that the cool Cal students don't notice me and my mother. Now, my dad and she (and the rest of the midwest) are eating up what Dr. Phil tells them as they try to apply his morals to their own lives. And, I will retreat back to what I did when I lived with them before college. I'll become the silent, depressed one that can only escape into the world of Hogwarts and Middle Earth. I still love her despite the nagging, and rudeness and naiveté.
Dear God, Make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away.

Foot Fetishes

My mom went to go get a manicure and pedicure and convinced my sister, my cousin, and I to get them as well. Nail polish colors can say a lot about a person. My mom chose this orangey iridescent rusty red color. My sister went with dark red for the toes, then didn't like it, so chose a silver for the fingers. I got an iridescent pale pink (one that almost looks like I am not even wearing any nailpolish) called Las Vegas Strip Poker. My cousin got bright, neon green and black tips. She only got a manicure because she has "feet issues" and doesn't want anyone touching her feet. I almost feel the same way; I usually don't like people near my feet, but somehow I got convinced into it (you know me). I forgot about two things regarding my feet: 1. Because of a prior incident regarding Matrix wannabe's and a door, my right foot is still bruised and sore when touched and 2. My feet are extraordinarily ticklish!! So, The poor woman was being very gentle as I fought the urge to laugh out loud and stop my muscle reflexes from jerking my foot away from her smooth hands...

The Famdamn-ily

First, there's Marie, my aunt, my mom's sister. She's with my mom at a family reunion in Illinois right now. Some things about my family and their dumb reunions. My family, all looks alike, they are all bible-thumping lunatics. No joke. Craziness runs in the family, as well as believing everything the bible says. Good thing I have more sense (I think). My mom's uncle (my great-uncle) even has a cult in Colorado. Well, it's not a cult. It's one of those like hippie communs or that's just a front or something. Who knows...
And then there's Grace, my 13 year old cousin (Marie's daughter). She has changed a lot in 6 months, since I've last seen her. In January, she still looked like a kid. Today, she looks like a woman, well, with the exception of the braces and the 2 inch black eyeliner above and below each eye. Nothing else has changed, tho. She is still my shadow and follows me wherever I go. It's quite annoying. I've gotten her hooked to Myst (my fav. computer game at her age), but she doesn't like it as well as I did, and she makes me sit there and give her hints for it every 5 minutes! She's almost finished it. I don't know what I'll have her do when this is over. sigh She called. I have to go help her again. =( Now she's talking to me from the other room. Whatever. Everyday, she askes, "What are we doing today?" I'm like I dunno. I'm going to a movie, I don't know what you're doing! Haha kidding. She's 13 - too young to party. Plus, her mom said "No alcohol, no drugs, NO BOYS." So, that kinda kills all the fun.. Hehe kidding. I'm supposed to find a job, so I can't entertain her all day everyday. I told my mom this. Apparently, she's been grounded at home for a while from computer, TV, and phone, so she should be happy to have those privaledges. That doesn't help the fact that she's still leeching onto me.

WeeDoo VooDoo on WhooDoo?

Boredom can take you many places, especially when the only thing in your room is a Voodoo kit. We opened it and quickly decided on a victim. Now for the lock of hair... One of us distracted her, while I snipped some hair with mini scissors. Back in my room, we taped the hair down and started poking the little green doll. Die, Die, Die (ok, so we didn't really say that part, but you get the idea). No screams. Apparently it didn't work. In less than 10 min, we realized we had chosen the wrong target for our curses. Oh well. There's always next time. For now, the pin-pricked doll is hanging by it's neck from my bike rack! =)

Boyz

Boys are dumb. They will fall for anything. Another guy posed naked before my dinky disposable camera. All it takes is a little persistance and persuasion. Amazing what you can get people to do without even doing or promising anything. Another to add to the collection. He shoulda known not to pose. His friend got tricked into it in the beginning of the year. He told me all this shit like he wanted to feel special 'cuz he doesn't show just anyone! *rolls eyes* Somehow I convinced him that he owed me or something and told him all these bullshit compliments. He asked me not to run away and giggle. And I didn’t…..until I was out of the door! Haha.

"Matrix Style"

Enough playing around with Dan. From now on, no more running and fighting and "flirting" (hehe j/k). I hid his glasses in my bra (sorry Dan, forgot to tell you that part. hehe), until I got to my room and then put them with his jacket, then ran to hide my keys in Christine's closet. I was going to go back out in the hall, but the door came flying open, only to be stopped by my fragile foot. I fell to the ground clasping my foot as Christine huddled over me. I heard Dan's heavy footsteps run up as well. I decided to walk it off, so I left and headed to the lounge, but people suggested I go to the shower, so I did. I saw Dan trying impossibly to make himself blend in with the wall on the way. The water ran red with blood, then I decided to put my foot in the sink, which was actually more uncomfortable than the shower, but that way more people could crowd around me, I guess. I'm proud of myself that I didn't cry at all! =) We woke up Jenni from downstairs and she took care of it all. I remember Kelly and Jennie (from upstairs) running around with big, bug-eyes all panicked. I thought for a while that it was broken, but then I realized I could bend it. Haha. Dan didn't appear in the bathroom, even tho his cool friend did. Sarah said I shoulda made Dan carry me around. Damn, why didn't I think of that! =( So, I hobbled around doing laundry for the rest of the night and put ice on it until around 4:30. Thank goodness I did, 'cuz today, it feels just like new! Like a brand new greenish-blue toe! =D

Smashing, baby...

Waaay too drunk last night. I hid the alcohol from myself so well that I couldn't find it the next day. I took 3 showers and played pass the beer. Lupe and I traded off between Pepsi and Millers to kill it. Kelly got trashed finally, yay! I stole Lupe's fish, broke my 2nd Hustler Shot glass, and I remember falling in the hallway and twisting my ankle.
DanCrench (2:54:17 AM): I'm the ugly guy who sobers you up
Nvisibility (2:54:52 AM): You sober me up, but not ugly. My ankle hurt too much for you to be sober