Ode to Mom 2

The first was written, perhaps too harshly in 2003: Ode to Mama. I'll make this one short.

My mother loses things: her keys, her phone, her ID, (her mind), etc. There is always a panic that sets in immediately and she yells at us to STOP whatever we are doing while she searches. Each time, she's REALLY lost it. "It's not funny," she screams at me as I roll my eyes. So, we all wait in silence as she empties her wallet/purse in desperate search of the missing item. Anywhere from 10-120 seconds later, she announces with great pride: FOUND IT! Although, I have no idea what she is proud of. Surely, she must know as well as we do how often this happens to her.

You know those annoying people who use their cell phone in public places to hold very loud, private conversations? That's my mom.

I was sitting at a table the other day in a restaurant, noticing how many other tables were giving my mom dirty looks. When she clanked the glasses and yelled, "OK, time to make a toast!" I could almost make out them say to each other "Oh great, not her again!" with rolled eyes. When I walk up to another table later to describe our family ties, they know exactly who I mean when I refer to "The Loud One".