I rear-ended someone the other day. The front of my car is messed up (minor damage) to the point of embarrassing. And I think, how much more can I take? How much can I endure before I simply fall to the ground, defeated? Sometimes I do feel like Job, a test to make sure I can withstand everything. But then I see that I still have my health, my looks, some of my family, and there is growth. I have new friends, and some old. I have a place to stay and eat, so I can't pretend that life is a disaster. It just feels that way sometimes.

I think I understand at least part of the struggle about the anniversary:

I looked at my calendar and was flipping through the months. I realized that October is not that far away. It's been almost a year already. How could it be the better part of a year?!? I feel like I just grasped the concept that it was 6 months ago. How can it be that so much time has passed? We haven't seen her for almost a year? How could we have lived our lives for a full year without her?! It seems impossibly strange. I guess life is what happens in the meantime, like John Lennon's quote