2 years

How can my world be the same without you? It seems so different. Nothing in my life resembles what it was, so how can I be the same person? I cling to the few things that remind me of you. Is that silly or sentimental? I long for your unwavering love, your insanity, and your feverish laughter. I would do anything to hear your voice again. And my laments are shared by many; each of us idolizes your effigy. And still, it is not enough. Our love could not bear your self-deprecation. Often, I feel guilt over not being able to understand the expanse of your suffering. How can someone hurt enough to give up? And even more guilt for not wanting to understand that level of insecurity. How can a mind so beautiful and intelligent be so backwards?
Will I always have unwanted visions that border on PTSD symptoms??